Weak All Week

It's funny how great I thought I was doing towards the end of my stay at home. Little did I know that a few short days of being back to "reality" would hit me as hard as they have. 


Here's a recap of my week back on campus: 


Sunday: My mom drove me back down to school late that afternoon. We grabbed dinner together and then moved my massive load of stuff back into the sorority house, where I was greeted by so many wonderful friends! I spent the night unpacking and catching up with everyone. 


Monday: It was very hard for me to get out of bed! But I knew I needed to get to microbiology. I threw on an outfit and headed out the door. I could tell it had been raining, but didn't have time to run back upstairs to grab my umbrella. That was a mistake. My class is all the way across campus, and after only a minute or two of walking, the rain started coming down again. Of course I was not dressed appropriately either. It's almost as if during my two and a half weeks in isolation I forgot how bipolar our weather can be, and that even if it is sunny out, it is probably below freezing. I had on leggings, a light jacket, cute scarf, and Toms. None of which was fitting for the freezing wind and rain. I finally arrived to class only to walk in and see a note on the board:  "Class Cancelled Today." Normally that would be exciting news. However, having to instantly turn around and retrace the steps I had just made did not sound appealing. Once I finally made it back sopping wet to my room, I changed into sweats, a tee, and crawled back into bed for a warm nap. The afternoon went well and I actually had a decent workout after class. I cleaned up and anxiously went to try and find my car in the parking garage. I wanted to run to HyVee to get a few things for the week. After searching a few floors, I finally found it. Before I turned the key, I paused briefly to smile and take in everything. I had not drove my car for 3 weeks and this would be the first time I could finally go do something for myself instead of relying on someone to help me. I was so excited! That moment was short lived. As I tried to turn on my car, it wouldn't start. Completely dead. With no jumper cables, and no one around, I made the trek back downstairs to ask the police department if they could help me out. Fun Fact:  they will not help you jump your car. Now what? I called a good friend of mine who said he would come to my rescue. Once he arrived, I figured I should learn how to jump a car and made him teach me. It seemed like a good life lesson. He taught me all the rules about the red, black, positive, and negative. And just like that the car should have magically started back up. But that would've been too easy, right? For some reason or another my car would not turn over. We tried numerous times and made adjustments. At this point he was pretty sure we would not be getting my car out of that garage. But I was bound and determined. I told him that maybe if we just let it sit forever that it might eventually work. After letting it charge for over 20 minutes, I gave it one last shot. It started!!! I definitely let out a scream of relief. 


My friend insisted on coming with me and to sit in the car while I ran into the store so that I did not have to turn it off. On the way, I called my dad and got his advice. He told us to find a reliable auto shop to test my battery. And if I needed a new one, to have them replace it right then and there. It turned out my battery was functioning above normal and that just sitting there for 3 weeks seemed to be the problem. Two hours later it was finally time to go to HyVee. I grabbed the foods on my list and headed back to campus. Because of my car trouble, I snuck in late to our Monday night meeting. When I did, one girl spotted me and let out a loud scream. The next thing I remember is being mauled by some of my best friends. Seeing everyone again was so awesome! I finished off the night by writing a paper and completing 7 different assignments...


Tuesday: It was time to return to the lab. This is the point I started to realize just how far behind I am. We were instructed to calculate results of previous electrophoresis and spread plate experiments. Of course I was not there for any of that and had no idea what was going on. We have a practical in less than two weeks and I am already anticipating how brutal it is going to be. After classes I had to lay down and take a nap, which lasted a lot longer than I had planned. By that afternoon it was evident that I was not used to being on the go and my stamina is far from being back to normal. 


Wednesday: I woke up and walked to microbiology once again. That day we had a quiz. The entire lecture I was totally lost, and the quiz was just another glaring reminder of how much catching up I have to do. That afternoon when I got on the bus to head to East campus, I had realized I forgot my bus pass in my room. I tried to explain the situation to the bus driver (who see's me ride it all of the time), but he rudely interrupted me and said, "You have plenty of time to walk back and get it before the next bus comes." I was so frustrated. But I didn't object and just turned and headed back to get my silly pass. I was almost back to the bus stop when I noticed that the next bus was already taking off--4 minutes early. What I would have done to see the first bus driver who told me I had "plenty of time". I called a friend in the class with me and decided by the time the next bus came, class would have started and I would have walked in pretty late. I turned to go back to the house to skip when one of my good friends was coming across the street. Ironically she was headed to East campus and said she would give me a ride! I walked in just in time. 


Later in the day, a friend and I went to Ash Wednesday mass together. It was a great reminder about what the season of Lent is all about. Finding the love of God in everything we do, and making sacrifices to remind us of the sacrifice Jesus made for us. Which by the way, I have given up popcorn again this year along with sweets/desserts. I am already struggling with the popcorn part. Nonetheless, it was wonderful getting to attend mass again. Afterwards, I intended to get a lot of reading for class done, but one of my best friends had just flown in from her trip out to Los Angeles. We spent two hours catching up and laughing. Then, I actually did do some reading but was absolutely exhausted so it didn't last long. 


Today: My alarm went off at 8:17am (I don't like times ending in 0 or 5 for some weird reason). The instant I opened my eyes I knew I was doomed. I could only see half of everything and my head and neck were pounding with pain. Classic migraine. I have been getting them since I was in 4th grade, and the only relief comes from seeing a chiropractor. I quickly called the one I see here when I'm not home, and they were able to get me in at 9am. Thankfully I was able to drive myself there. Normally I have to have someone take me because my vision is too bad, I'm in too much pain to function, or my arms go numb and limp. I think I caught it early enough this time before the brutal symptoms had time to take over. The entire way there I swore I was going to get sick (another classic symptom of mine). I fought it back and made it through the appointment. The chiropractor was in disbelief at how messed up and tense every part of my body was, and still is. The adjustment was painful and he noted I would be sore. But I assured him that anything helps the pain of the migraine I was having. I got back to the house and knew I had to apply a hot pack and try to sleep it off. I was out for the next 4 hours. I woke up feeling better, but still had sensitivity to light and sound, and the pain had gone from throbbing to an ache. So once again, the productive day I had planned did not happen. Even though I slept all day, I have not stopped yawning since I woke up. Looks like I'll be crawling back into bed soon.


All things considered, I'm doing alright. I hate how weak and tired I get, but hopefully that will get better soon. The migraine was not what I needed today, but I'm surprised I have not gotten one sooner with all of the changes my body has gone through. The strangest thing I've noticed in the past few days though, is my taste buds. You know that feeling after you take that impatient drink of your Starbucks the instant they hand it to you and you completely scorch your tongue? That's how mine feels. Raw and tasteless. Everything I eat has a strange taste and sensation. Even gum and water have not been the same this week. The doctors mentioned that might happen, but I seemed to have forgotten until it appeared the other day.


Seeing all of my friends again has been so amazing. I am beyond blessed. But I can't say the same about being back into the swing of things. I was telling my mom as we pulled into campus that I was in awe looking at everyone going places. For the past 3 weeks my life has been put on hold but everyone else's just kept going forward. And now I'm having to jump back in and hold on tight. But what better time than the Easter season to embrace change and wake up each day in anticipation of the adventures that lie ahead. 


Another quote that has served as a great reminder:  "Only God can can turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony, a trial into a triumph, a victim into a victory."


xoxo

Recalculating

"Turn right. Continue for 1.3 miles and then keep left. In 500 feet turn left." (You miss the turn.) "Recalculating."

We have probably all heard the GPS in our cars tell us that it is "recalculating" because we made some sort of driving error. In the last 24 hours, my life has done its own version of "recalculating." Just when I thought things might be starting to arrange themselves back into place, I encountered another hill health-wise and a dead end in one of my future plans.

I woke up yesterday morning with a missed call and voicemail from my doctor. Her pleasant voice asked that I return her call at my earliest convenience. I was appreciative of the fact that she personally called me, instead of having a nurse relay the information. (I must have still been a little sleepy, because normally this should have lit a lightbulb that something must be wrong.) I returned her call right away and talked for a little bit about how I was feeling and any questions I had. She then proceeded to tell me that after reviewing my scans, my thymus gland, which sits between the collar bones and lungs, had picked up a significant amount of the radiation. (Something the radiologist did not mention last week. Surprise, surprise.) However, there were no tumor markers present. What all of this means is that either the thymus gland just randomly decided to absorb some of the radiation or that the cancer has spread there as well. They can't tell for sure because if it was definitely in the thymus, the tumor markers would have showed up. But, the cancer could just be starting to attack and was not detectable yet by the markers. So, a CT scan has been ordered before my next appointment with her in March. This will give her a better idea of what exactly is going on. Now some of you, like my family, are probably questioning why they are waiting so long to do the scan. There are a couple of reasons:  they want the radiation to have a chance to leave my body so that the scan is valid, and if it is the cancer, I would either need surgery or more treatment, both of which I could not undergo until later anyway.

Like I said, I have reached another hill to climb on this adventure.

Then evening rolled around. I found out last Friday before my scans that I would be informed if I was accepted to my top medical school of choice on Wednesday evening (last night). It goes without saying that as much as I have tried to block it out of my mind, I was constantly thinking about it. I have been dreaming of and waiting for this day since at least my senior year of high school. To make the day go by faster, I went to lunch with my priest, caught up on some homework, and finished The Hunger Games, which I highly recommend you read. And because it was Wednesday, that meant my brother and I would be having dinner with our grandparents. It's a tradition we had every week while I was in high school, and Kyle has continued since I have been in college.

Finally the moment came. My phone rang. The conversation was brief, and I was told that I was not accepted. And just like that, it was over. Kind of like when you're bandaged after a procedure and you return a week later to have it removed. One quick rip and it's done, but the redness is a visible reminder and the sting lasts long after it has been removed. And if there's a scar, it's something you'll never forget. Naturally I could not fight back the tears even though I was trying so hard to stay strong. My night was rough to say the least. My eyes were red, the sting made my body numb, and my heart had been scarred.

This was the dead end I reached. Recalculating.

Now, I should mention that I debated a long time before deciding to share this with all of you. Who likes to admit to the world that they failed at something they have tirelessly been working on for the past 4 years? But after having some time to process everything, I know I have not failed.

There are still two wonderful, top medical schools I am waiting to hear from. And my backup plan if I am not accepted anywhere this year, would also be a dream come true. Not the one I have planned on for so long, but one that would be sure to bring peace and joy. I would travel to Kenya and serve as a medical intern for at least 2 months, probably 3. Living with a host family, working in the local hospital, helping at AIDS orphanages, and traveling to rural areas to provide all forms of medical care. One of the past interns told me that her favorite area of specialty was in the maternity ward. She witnessed over 10 deliveries and actually did 3 herself! After returning home, the plan would be to move to California and live with my best friend, while getting a job as a surgical technician or some other medical opportunity. All the while, I would be preparing and reapplying to medical schools to begin in the Fall of 2013.

Don't get me wrong, I wish more than anything to begin medical school this Fall. But I also know that it may not be part of God's plan for me. During the mess of my night, my mom came to my room to remind of me of one of my favorite quotes. She said she had just looked at my Facebook page and found it. "Trust that rejection in any form, from anyone, is simply God's way of saying, 'Careful kiddo. You're going the wrong way.'" It was then I felt the comfort that everything would work out like it is supposed to.

The support I have received already has been amazing. My grandpa called me and said, "They missed a good one." Shortly after, my grandma called and shared stories of how her and my grandpa had both "failed" in their lives and how wonderful it all turned out to be. And last night, my other grandma called my mom to see if I had heard anything. She had remembered that I was going to find out the news that day. That may not seem like a big deal, but to my family it was huge. Over the years she has suffered a stroke, subdural hematoma, and subsequent health complications, so to have her remember so vividly something that many people easily forgot, brought tears to my eyes. I woke up this morning and decided nothing sounded better than a visit to grandma's. I don't have my car back home, and everyone else was gone, so I bundled up and set out for a walk to her house. Before I left, she made me Google how far it was going to be. She was worried I would be too cold or wouldn't have the strength. It is only a little over a mile away and I reassured her I would be just fine. The fresh air was exactly what I needed and the walk was one step closer to getting my stamina back. Her advice to me was that something better was waiting for me; that God has plans. Her call and visit were the perfect reminder of what life is truly about:  enjoying every moment with the one's you love because you never know when those moments will end.

So, I have not failed. Even though it does feel like it at times. The GPS of my life has simply been adjusted by the hands of God and is recalculating to put me on the right path. Thank goodness someone knows where my life is headed, because the things I was once so sure about have become foggy. But more than anything, I still have so much to be grateful for. I can think of hundred's of situations that are far worse than mine.

To end, I'll share another favorite quote:
"Faith is believing that one of two things will happen:  that there will be something solid for you to stand on, or that you will be taught to fly."

With the solid support of my ideas of the future being pulled out from under me, I cannot wait to spread my wings and fly.

L-O-V-E ♥

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I know there are many people who have nothing but terrible things to say about this holiday. But, I have always been fond of February 14^th. And I promise it has nothing to do with being head over heels in love with Prince Charming. (Who by the way, must just be lost and is simply finding his way to me.)

My grandmother adores Valentine’s Day. Her and I are very much alike in a lot of ways, and so I think I understand why her heart beats a little faster this time of year. To me, it is a day to share with family and friends how much they mean to you. Even though we should do this everyday, we all know the busyness of life and routine get the best of us, and stopping to remind those around you how much they are loved doesn’t always happen. Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to take a step back, pause what you are doing, and go out of your way for the ones who hold a special place in your heart.

To honor this day, I thought I would share just a few of the things I love:

Cards or even a simple post-it note. Thoughtful words will always mean so much more to me than anything with a price tag.

The breathless moment when time stops for just an instant when your best friend or that special person’s name appears on your phone.

Food. Plain and simple. Trying new restaurants, craving old ones, or whipping up creations in the kitchen.

Summer nights under the lights of the local baseball field, sunflower seeds in hand. Diamond’s really are a girls best friend, and I’m already coming down with a case of Spring Fever.

Sunday’s. Waking up, going to church, coming home to brunch, and then spending the afternoon relaxing.

The imaginations and adventurous spirits of children. Spending time with kids of all ages is priceless and will forever warm my heart.

Walking around a hospital, clinic, or anything medical related. The rush that totally consumes me is unbelievable.

When the perfect song comes on the radio or your iPod.

The simplicity of a hug, and the monumental difference it can make in that moment.

Having the ability to acquire knowledge about anything at the click of a mouse.

The adrenaline that comes with extreme roller coasters, parasailing, sitting on the back of an alligator (I did this in Africa) or any other adventure. Next on my list, skydiving.

Going for a run while in a new city and getting lost in neighborhoods on purpose, just to see if you can find your way back.

Looking at old family photos and watching home videos.

Having a best friend who knows that even though laughing is the most painful thing to do because you just had surgery on your throat, still finds every way to make us laugh until we cry.

Getting together with family during the Holidays. Traditions of food, card and board games, and crazy impersonations of the Griswold family from Christmas Vacation.

Seeing every detail of a snowflake perfectly preserved on your windshield. The first signs of Spring when flowers begin to peak out of the ground. Summer days with the sun reflecting off the water. And the beauty of rich colors in Autumn.

Being completely exhausted after a tough work out, and the feeling of accomplishment that comes with it.

The never-ending love of family and true friends, especially when there are times we probably don’t deserve it.

And last but certainly not least, knowing that each one of us has been uniquely brought into this world to share our God given gifts and talents. Knowing His love for us is greater than anything we will ever experience.

I hope you all have a day filled with the moments that make you smile! So far, I had cards and little gifts waiting for my family when they woke up, made heart-shaped crepes with my mom for breakfast, took roses to my grandma, got lunch for my brother, talked to my best friend, and went to The Vow with my mom. Love is a beautiful thing!

xoxo

PS: I came home to beautiful red roses and a note that touched my heart. Thank you to whoever "Your Admirer" may be. I would love to be able to tell you how much I appreciate it! 

Frightened Family

"I think you need to go back in your room now. You're starting to radiate on me." -my dearest mother

So much for having fewer restrictions on my isolation. Even as I sat down to write this post, my mom suggested I go to my room where I have the heater on so I can "warm up." But what she really meant was, "I'm going back to work now and don't trust you out in the kitchen alone. Who knows what you could poison." Oh the joys of being the family outcast.

On Saturday, my mom allowed me to go out to lunch with the rest of the family. I was so excited! The moment we stepped foot in the restaurant, she told the hostess that we needed to be seated far away from pregnant women and children. As we arrived to our table she told me I should sit on the end, just so I have more room. (Again, we all know what she really meant.) And then once everyone was about done eating, I got up to go to the bathroom. It wasn't even a second later and I was told to sit back down. Going to the bathroom in a public place was off limits. Instead, my mom made me wait until everyone was done, the bill was paid, and we arrived back home.

That afternoon there was a big high school boys basketball tournament taking place at the Events Center. Spending my day watching a bunch of competitive games sounded like the perfect plan. Until my mom got wind of the idea. No way was she going to let me go. "Do you know how many people will be there? And how many people you are going to know? They will all want to come talk to you. It is not worth the risk. You're staying home." And that was that. Well, until later that evening. My parents had a surprise anniversary party to attend and my brother had stopped home to get some food after a couple of the games. He told me he would sneak me back to the Events Center with him. I honestly would have gone if it weren't for the amazing pot of mac and cheese I was busy making myself. I had to choose between food I had been craving for the past 3 weeks or going against my mom's orders and escaping for the game. The choice was simple. The mac and cheese came out on top. It was a good thing too because my parents arrived home earlier than expected.

Then came Sunday morning. Unfortunately, I still was not able to attend mass with my family. But that afternoon, I had picked out all of this yummy and healthy food I wanted my mom to get while she was at the grocery store. The list included items like:  quinoa, sweet potatoes, black beans, lots of fresh fruit, and fresh veggies. The recipe I was most excited to try was for black bean/sweet potato/quinoa burgers. My mom and I decided we would have those for dinner, along with a few other things. My dad and brother were gone for the afternoon, and when they arrived home for dinner, the look on my brother's face was priceless. I won't tell you what he compared the looks of them to because it is not for the weak of stomachs. Let's just say, it was nothing having to do with food. Yet he agreed to try them. However after one bite, the rest of his food ended up on my plate. Even my dad was skeptical about the burgers and opted out for something else. My mom and I loved them though. The rest of dinner was spent listening to my brother and dad make jokes about the food I was eating. Kyle pulled out his iPhone numerous times to ask Siri what she thought of the food, and my dad kept quoting lines from movies that related to the situation. None of us could stop laughing.

That evening my brother and I both had loads of homework to do. We were at the barstools in the kitchen working on it while watching the Grammy's and my mom and dad were nearby reading the paper and using the iPad. All was well. Later a couple of Kyle's friends came over and they headed downstairs to work on more homework. My mom took his spot at the bar and we ended up looking up fun foods on Pinterest for Valentine's Day. It wasn't long after when my mom started complaining that she was itching. I didn't think anything of it. She got up and made some tea, and while the water was heating up, she said, "Keri, you are making me itch. You're radiating on me!" I looked at her confused and started laughing. She went on to say, "I'm being serious. This is not funny, I can't stop itching and I've been around you a lot today." Wow. Thanks mom. I love you too. My dad could be heard laughing from the living room. Then I started to laugh again. And finally my mom couldn't contain herself anymore either. She was itching her arms and crying tears of laughter all at the same time. As you could probably guess, I was sent back to my room for the night.

Then today I was telling her about how I didn't sleep well again last night. She made a few comments and responded, "I didn't sleep very good either. I kept waking up freezing cold." I told her to join the club and that she could only complain about that if she didn't have a thyroid. Her response was, "Well I'm sure having you radiate on me so much has hurt my thyroid a little too, so that's why I was so cold." Seriously? Again, I can feel the love.

Another common phrase my mom likes to share out of panic is, "You can't see it, smell it, taste it, or touch it, so how am I supposed to know that it's not harming me!?!!?" It's those times that I remind her that I'm the one that actually had to ingest it so she should consider herself lucky. I win that battle every time.

Now, I don't want any of you to think poorly of my mother. While sometimes she is being serious, majority of the time she is joking around and we both end up in an uncontrollable laughter. And she can't be that afraid of me if she offered to take me to The Vow tomorrow for Valentine's Day. Although she did say we could only go to the matinee because there wouldn't be very many people there, and we have to sit in the back away from anyone who is there. Oh, and I doubt she'll let me go to the bathroom. She'll probably even sit a seat away from me.

All things considered, I would not trade my family for the world. They have all made countless accommodations to make this entire process work. Plus, adventures are not fun unless there is a lot of laughter involved. I love them all more than they know!

And mom, since I started with a quote from you, I'll end with one for you. It is one of my favorites:

"The truth is, even if she weren't my mom, I would go out of my way to be friends with her."  xoxo, your radiating Keri Ellen

The Prisoner Escaped

God is so good!

 Along with each and every one of you: my personal prayer warriors. Because of His grace and your endless love and support, today has been a great day!

But to be honest, I was a little nervous from the moment I woke up. Until now, every other day didn’t seem to faze me. Today was different for some reason though. I think it was because I knew my scheduled round of scans at the med center would reveal if the radiation had done its job and if the cancer had spread, two factors that this entire process revolves around.

Nevertheless, I had a smile on my face and was ready to go. It was also a day of many firsts. I wore jeans, put on makeup, did my hair, and stepped outside all for the first time since last Friday afternoon. Watch out, world. I’m coming for you.

My dad and I loaded up and headed East down the interstate. We met my aunt for lunch and then checked into the hospital. The scan machine this time was different than last week. It was definitely a day to force away my claustrophobia because I was slid completely into a tunnel, and the imaging above my head came down so low that it graced the tip of my nose. It made the tunnel slides at the water park seem like nothing now. Deep breaths, eyes closed, and 45 minutes later I was done.

Then we waited for the doctors to review the images and were told a resident would come in and discuss the results. We all had to laugh because of our wonderful experience with the resident last time. Luckily it was not the same one. She reported there was more uptake than originally presented last week. Meaning, some of the lymph nodes surrounding where the thyroid once was did show cancer. However, it appeared that the radiation was doing its job and attacking the cancer in those areas. Also, the rest of my body looked cancer free. I think we all breathed a big sigh of relief! She went on to say though, that the true test would be in 6 months. I would report back for blood work to check my levels of thyroglobulin and TSH. If those appeared suspicious, I would need a repeat scan to see if the cancer had come back. But if they appeared stable, I would be in the clear, at least for a year and as long as I didn’t notice any changes. From here on out, I will need to repeat blood work and possible scans every year to check the status of the cancer. While thyroid cancer is treatable, we have to remember there is no cure. But I am content with that. It will forever serve as the perfect reminder that my strength and dependence lies in the Lord. And those times when I am overwhelmed and frustrated, it will keep me grounded knowing that the annoyance is not as important as it may seem.

Now it’s time to focus on regaining strength and stamina. Oh, and completing the homework that seems to just keep piling up as emails from professors continue to land in my inbox. I did however get my application for the internship in Africa completed and submitted yesterday. Keep your fingers crossed!

Yesterday was also a rough day for many reasons side-effect wise and I tried to sleep it off but that wasn’t working. So I began to read the book The Vow. Before I knew it, I had read the entire thing! It was so great being able to read a book for pleasure. As much as I would love to go to the movie theater later for opening night, that won’t be happening. It is sure to be packed, and while I am cleared to start being around other people for small amounts of time, I can’t be near little kids or anyone pregnant. And what better place to find emotional, pregnant women than at a romantic, heart-warming movie? And did I mention it’s starring Channing Tatum? Enough said. But guys, I promise you would like the movie as well. It is all based on a true story and the lessons are remarkable ones we can all learn from. So if your girlfriend asks you to go, surprise her by agreeing without hesitation.

Once again, thank you all for your prayers of strength and hope. They have been answered! I cannot tell you how much it means to me. Also, I will continue to post at least throughout the rest of my time in isolation. I wouldn’t want any of you to be disappointed and think this was the end. The adventure continues!

All My Love & Happy Friday!

Grey's Anatomy

Everything I need to know, I have learned from Grey's Anatomy. No, not the anatomical book of GrAy's Anatomy, the television show. But I have a feeling that book will come in handy many times in medical school.


I have been watching the show since it began back in 2005. However throughout this last year due to heavy course loads and a busy schedule, I missed all of season 7 and all of the episodes of this current season. I decided that my time in isolation would be the perfect opportunity to catch up. My mom went out and bought season 7 for me, and I was able to buy a few of the recent episodes on iTunes and watch some on abc.com (once I was allowed to use my computer again). Four days and 33 episodes later, I am finally caught up and ready for the new episode airing on Thursday! I know the fact that I spent that much time watching a TV drama series sounds pathetic, but if you can think of something better I should have done, I will eagerly listen. Reminder I couldn't touch anything: books, magazines, my computer, school work, puzzles, paper, etc. unless I was going to burn it afterwards.


My family could hear me laughing, crying, frustrated, and breathing sighs of relief through the baby monitor numerous times while I was watching the show. I would yell how much I loved Grey's and that I couldn't get enough. A few episodes later I swore I wasn't going to watch it anymore because it made me so mad. Then sure enough, I was sucked back in due to how the plot unfolded. The screenwriters sure know how to do their job. I thought I would share a few of the things I have learned from the crazy crew of physicians at Seattle Grace hospital:


Figuring Things Out: We all try to plan out exactly how things are going to happen. In high school it's all about how things are going to play out with your new crush and the big Homecoming dance coming up. College students are enjoying their freedom, but in the back of their minds have no idea what they want to do once they hit the real world. And everyone has their beliefs about how things should go in all areas of their life. But then all of a sudden something hits you. Let's say cancer for example. In one episode Meredith makes a comment that sums all of this up: "Just when we think we have figured things out, the universe throws us a curve ball. So we have to improvise. We find happiness in unexpected places. We find our way back to things that matter the most. The universe is funny that way. Sometimes, it just has a way of making sure we wind up exactly where we belong." And I couldn't agree more. God has plans. As my mom always says, "Let Go. Let God." 


Miss Independent: I have been very independent since I was a little girl. Along with that independence comes the notion that I don't need a man to complete me. While this is a good thing for many reasons, when I claim I am not going to get married it's a bad thing because having a family one day is something I am ecstatic about. And like every other girl, I have random wedding ideas compiled on Pinterest. (Warning to all the men out there, ask to see your girlfriend's Pinterest "board" before you drop down on one knee!) Now I realize none of this quite lines up, but I think Grey's has helped me figure it out. Meredith again sums it up nicely: "I always said I'd be happier alone. I'd have my work, my friends... But someone in your life all the time? More trouble than it's worth. But there's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't because I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone, and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love. And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then... it falls apart. Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is – death ends. This? It could go on forever. Now that was a little too extreme for me, because I can promise you I will be able to survive any pain that comes with losing love. It's clearly the other person's loss anyway! But she's right in that putting so much time and effort into something just to have it crumble in a matter of minutes is so disappointing. Again, I have very high expectations for the people I love because I would be willing to go above and beyond for them, so it is simply just easier to go through life independently. I'm secretly hoping though, that eventually someone comes along and proves me wrong.


The Ultimate Best Friend: It is my hope for everyone that they have that one best friend who is there for the good, the bad, and most importantly, the ugly. I have been so blessed to find mine, and I know that no matter what happens, nothing will ever come between us. Whenever one of us is talking to a new guy, he has to meet the others' standards or it's game over. And we always talk about how our future husbands are going to have to become best friends, or the family vacations we are going to take together, just won't work. In one of the episodes, Christina had been staying over with Meredith and Derrick (all 3 in the same bed) because she was fighting with her husband, Owen. At one point Christina mentions to Meredith that she felt bad about invading their space. Meredith quickly responded, "Christina, you are my soul mate. Derrick is the love of my life. He understands." I loved it! It is exactly how I feel about my ultimate best friend. (Who I finally get to go see in 21 days!!!!!)


Being a Doctor: Every single episode reinforces my passion for medicine and reassures me that it is my dream to become a doctor. To clarify, I know it is just a show and that is not how it actually is in real life. But the miracles of medicine when a patient is saved, the struggles and heartache felt when a patient is lost after trying everything, having to comfort families in joy and sorrow, and the complexities of how our bodies work, are very relatable. Oh and I can't forget the scrubs! There really is no better outfit. 


So that was a taste of the things I have learned in the past few days. Now I said it was everything I needed to know, which was obviously an exaggeration. But there was some truth in that statement. As for how I'm doing otherwise, I still can't complain! The chills have switched from being constant to off and on. I keep having nausea at night, but the medicine is doing its job. I'm still weak and can only stand for so long before I have to sit down. But the greatest thing of all is that my iodine-free diet has ended! I'm still adjusting back to "normal" food, but I can't tell you how amazing the warm Swiss mushroom Runza I ate was. Not many other things have sounded appealing. I have, of course, over-indulged on various kinds of popcorn though. 


I'm still in isolation. That will last through this upcoming weekend. My bed is not only where I sleep, but has become my dining room table and desk as well. Like I said before, not being able to go fill up my water bottle whenever I want or run to the fridge to grab something has been an adjustment. Oh and today a friend asked me what the weather was like. I paused for a moment and realized that I have not stepped foot outside since my arrival home on Friday. And I won't get to go outside again until this Friday when I head back to the medical center for scans. The results will tell us how well I responded to the treatment and where, if any, the cancer has spread. We pray that the treatment has hit it all hard this first time around, and that all other organs, glands, and tissues are clear!


I'm spending a lot of my time today catching up on some homework and working on that Africa internship application. I am so excited for the North Carolina vs. Duke game tonight! Go Tar Heels!

Back In Action

Hello! Yes, I'm back!!!

Although, I'm not even sure where to begin. In the past three days a lot has happened and I have had plenty of time for thousands of thoughts to run through my head. So bare with me if this post seems to be all over the place. 

Friday was a long day. I spent the early morning packing everything up and figuring out only what I would need to have in my room and what my mom could keep in the safe zone. Before I knew it we were headed to the med center to check in. Labs were done, and then the waiting began after we reported to Nuclear Medicine. My mom and aunt grabbed Starbucks and we killed time in the gift shop and wandering the hospital. Then I spent the last bit of time on the iPad before it was time for my scans. They ran three different views. As I laid there for an hour under the continually switched out warm blankets (hidden gems at hospitals, never refuse them even if you're already warm), I could not stop marveling at the technology circling around me. We are so lucky to have access to the care that we do!

After those were complete, we were taken to another room to wait for the doctors to review the results. After about an hour, a resident came in and began to review the process for adjusting to life after the radiation was administered. To be honest, she was terrible. Her patient interaction was average at best and she was just going through the motions of checking things off the list. I remained pleasant and just wanted to keep moving forward. Then came the radiologist. She told us the scans looked good, and the trial run on Thursday went as planned. However, she made a comment about the pathology report that was incorrect. (I knew right away because I, myself had reviewed the copy sent home with us after my post-op appointment.) After we questioned her, she said she would go check it out again and proceeded with more information about the rules after the treatment. But, her's didn't quite line up with what the resident told me, or what the radiation safety guy had called and talked to me about last week, or the nurse of the doctor in charge of my treatment. So here I was with random bits of varying information from four different sources. This time I didn't remain as calm. I waited for her to leave the room before I let loose. My poor mom and aunt had to hear me vent about how annoyed and frustrated I was and that I just wanted to go home. I was not mad at anyone, simply just upset at the fact that I have been working so hard to make sure everything falls into place on my end and to them I was just another case. In their defense, I do have very high expectations for physicians. But only because I know I will hold myself to those same standards of care as a doctor one day.

Finally it was time to receive the radiation dose. (By the way, the doctor was wrong about the pathology report.) The pharmacy delivered it in a secure vessel, covered in the infamous radioactive yellow label. Everyone had to leave the room, and I was given the instructions not to touch it and to quickly swallow it down. There I sat. Holding the treatment in a crazy container that apparently is supposed to treat the cancer they found a few short weeks ago. It was a very strange couple of minutes. A few deep breaths and one big swallow later, I was done. And just like that, I became the girl that everyone had to stay far away from. 

I crawled to the far back of the suburban covered in old sheets, opposite of my mom. She put in Toy Story 3 at my request, and we were on the interstate headed West for home. I didn't make it far though. Just as Woody was found hanging from the tree by the little girl at the daycare, I fell asleep. That was for the best because I did feel a little queasy and being in the way back of a car with the high winds only added to my slight case of car sickness. Before I knew it we were home. But it wasn't my usual homecoming. No hugs, no unloading my bags myself, no homemade food waiting for me. Just a a few hellos from afar to my dad and brother, and the random quick shutting off of lights by my dad to see if I was glowing yet. Then it was off to my bedroom I went. Which is where I have stayed all weekend aside from the few steps to my bathroom. 

As far as how I have been feeling, I can't complain. I've had a few bouts of nausea, but the doctor wrote me a prescription for the anti-nausea medication they give to chemo patients and that has done the trick. No migraines, yet. (knock on wood) Just a weird headache that has not gone away since I arrived home. And some bizarre chest pain that we are keeping an eye on. Oh and the tingling of my hands, feet, and lips indicating my calcium levels are still low from surgery. I have been exhausted and have not had an appetite at all. But again, I have nothing to complain about. Considering the circumstances, I am very lucky. I am tired of constantly shaking due to extreme chills no matter how many layers I'm wearing or sheets I'm covered up in though. Also, there is a baby gate in our hallway keeping our lab, Parker far away. Add that to the baby monitor in my room, and the fact that all I do is sleep and sometimes eat, and my dad's usual name for me of "Baby Keri," is very fitting still at age 22.  

Being isolated from all technology besides my TV, was not a big deal. Just like I didn't miss emails, Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, etc. in Africa, I didn't miss them this weekend. The thing that was hard was not being able to go to espn.com to quick look up game times, scores, and reports. And I really don't like depending on others to do things for me. I would much rather do everything myself instead of ask for help. Clearly that has had to change drastically. My brother stayed home with me Friday night while my parents went to card club. He was amazing! Anything I needed, he was there. He even kept me laughing by acting out The Sandlot scene when Benny attempts to get by "The Beast," Hercules. (Which was me behind the baby gate in this case.) 

There are a bunch of things I could talk about, but I've decided that this post is already long enough so I will just save those for the next couple of days. One thing I do want to touch on though, is the Super Bowl. I am so happy Eli Manning and the crew got the job done. The catch by Manningham was absolutely unbelievable. Not to mention, the dead on, across the body spiral from Eli. But, I was very disappointed in the commercials. The M&M one made me laugh, but majority of the others were not worth the amount of money spent. Madonna was a disappointment as well. Beautiful woman, but her dancing could use a lot of work. But the thing that I was most disgusted with was Gisele Bundchen. I realize she is a supermodel, but if you are the wife of a quarterback playing in the Super Bowl, at least wear the teams colors! It's not a fashion show. You don't need to wear the latest trends. Support your husband and the team. Custom make an adorable jersey, piece together layers using red and navy blue, something! She's clearly not in it for the right reasons. Just more evidence that I'm fit to be Dr. Trophy Wife.

To close, I know my mom posted it on my Facebook, but I wanted to again mention how Friday, February 3rd (my treatment day) was the feast day of St. Blaise. It just so happens that he is the Patron Saint of Throat Illnesses! When I found this out in the waiting room, I was in total amazement. I don't care what anyone tells me, there is no possible way that out of 365 days (366 this year) that my treatment would just "magically" fall on that day. It is a total God thing. I guess He really means it when He says to trust in His timing!! 

God Bless.

Goodbye Technology

Tonight as I write I am indulging in grapes, kiwi, and pineapple. Only a few more hours until I'm NPO (nothing by mouth) until around 3pm tomorrow when I can drink water again. Then on Saturday around noon I can start sucking on lemon drops, jolly ranchers, and weather's original hard candies. The reasoning for that is my salivary glands will be hit pretty hard by the radiation, which will cause my mouth to be very dry until the glands recover. That day I also have been instructed to really push fluids. Of course, water will be my only option. Once Sunday comes around, it's back to the iodine-free diet through Monday.

I am so close! The past couple of days have taken a toll on me though. The cravings have been out of control, and I have even asked my aunt a couple times if I can just have one bite of a few things. Thankfully she laughed and told me absolutely not. I stopped at Target quick today and they were popping a fresh batch at the Cafe. Just my luck. Then at another stop, there was the distinct smell of burnt popcorn and I still would have given anything to have a bite. I wasn't kidding about my addiction!

Today and yesterday have been packed full of a variety of things. The first thing I did when I got here was head to the med center for the start of treatment. I had tons of blood drawn for various tests and then reported to the Nuclear Medicine ward. They took me back, went over a bunch of things, and then gave me one big shot in the hip. I have to admit, my bruise today looks pretty sweet. After we left, my aunt and I ran a few errands. One was to Costco for a bunch of fresh fruit. So yummy! I felt good all day until I hopped in the shower around 3:15pm to get ready for the college basketball game we went to last night. Getting ready just takes so much out of me lately. But there was no way I was going to miss the game! It was a blast. Court-side, hanging out in the Club with some amazing people, and then finishing the night at a beautiful hotel downtown to celebrate a birthday. I rocked the title of designated driver and had a great time. The thought of a refreshing gin and tonic with lime kept teasing me though.

Then came today. I was NPO starting at 8am, so I woke up early and loaded up on fruit. Then my other aunt took me to have a massage. The therapist had certification training in oncology therapy. Needless to say, it was wonderful. If you have never had a massage, or it has been awhile, call tomorrow and book an appointment. Yes, while it is a luxury, give up your Starbucks or going out to eat for a couple weeks to make up for it. I promise you won't regret it. Then we headed back to the hospital for round two.

Today shots went in the left hip and then I took a trial dose of the iodine that serves as the base for the radiation. I have already become a familiar face around the Nuclear Medicine area. We're all on a first name basis. For some reason, there was a lot more pain today than yesterday, and the side effects hit me harder afterwards. But, all is well.

Later we went and had our nails done, and then at 3pm I could finally eat! My mom came to town around 5pm, and we all met up at my other aunt and uncles house for dinner with my four little cousins. (I enjoyed a bunch of veggies and yes you guessed it, some more fruit.) After, we loaded up and headed to my cousin's middle school band and choir concert. I was so excited because the entire program had an African theme! I could not stop thinking about how amazing it would be to fall asleep tonight and wake up back in Ghana. I miss the people, especially the children, every day. Oh but speaking of Africa, I ran across a huge internship opportunity in the sub-saharan region of Africa this July and instantly decided to apply!!! The deadline is later next week. Not that I needed anything else on my plate right now, but there was absolutely no way I was going to pass this opportunity up. I am already way too excited at just the thought of getting to go back.

But back to the entire reason for this blog. Tomorrow is the big shebang. I'm supposed to check-in at 11am, but we're going to head down just a little bit earlier in hopes of getting on the road before the worst of this big "thunder snow" (as the weatherman called it) storm hits. I don't know too much more than I did on Tuesday. I just know tomorrow consists of more blood work, meetings with some doctor's , a scan, more time with doctor's, and then once my dosage is calculated, the radiation. Immediately after, I am shipped out of there a sent home. Again, I won't have my phone or computer from about noon tomorrow until around noon on Monday. So call/text/post your little hearts out until then, or forever hold your peace--at least until Monday. I can't imagine the Keri withdrawals you are all going to experience. I promise I'm all yours starting Monday. I will have plllllllenty of time to catch up with each of you.

Tonight with family, the jokes started flying. My mom apparently has a fresh, green plant in my room in hopes that it will help suck up all the bad. I told her I'm going to just kill it in a matter of days. But I guess that will give me something to look at. Maybe it will make up for missing so much microbiology lab sessions. My aunt then demonstrated the scene from E.T. when the flower shrivels up and dies. My uncle decided I should get a goldfish too and run an experiment to see if my radioactivity kills it or makes it grow a third eye. But I can't bare the thought of Nemo dying or becoming deformed just because he happened to get plopped into a bowl in my room. My uncle also asked if I could take home some of his defective Christmas lights and "recharge" them up for him. Also, everyone started laughing at the thought of the baby monitor in my room making a continually buzzing noise due to the gamma rays radiating off of me. And of course finally the name game began:  Glow Worm, Light Bright, Bubble Bright, Glow Girl...to name a few. It was nice to have a deep, tear-producing laugh through all of that.

So I guess this is it for a little while. Watching the Super Bowl on Sunday won't be the same without people to laugh and/or make fun of the commercials with, whip up and devour fun game-day foods, talk smack about the Patriots (mainly Tom Brady and Bill Belichick), and just spend time with friends and family. But at least I am going to be able to watch the game!

Again I want to express to each of you how much your beautiful words, selfless acts of service, thoughts, and powerful prayers mean to me! I am humbled and amazed. I can't put it any other way except that God has blessed me beyond belief. So thank you from not only me, but my entire family.

If any of you plan on traveling this weekend, please be careful! Remember that while having your plans thrown off course due to nasty weather totally sucks, taking the risk anyway is not worth it and won't matter a month from now.

All my love.