Almost A Great Day

I woke up yesterday and my stomach dropped. I realized it was Wednesday, the day my phone needed to be glued to my hand in preparation for the call from my doctor. Up until that moment I honestly had not thought much about it. Then just as I was about to enter my microbiology class, it rang.

Everything came back good! Side note: I promise I meant to post yesterday, but my 30 minute afternoon nap unintentionally turned into a 3 hour one. Then my evening was consumed with studying for an exam I had this morning. Anyway, the tumor markers were still not present. Meaning: either the radiation is doing a good enough job right now of attacking the cancer, or the cancer has not spread to the areas that appeared on the scan. My blood glucose and A1C were in the normal range. Vitamin D and calcium came back decent. And my thyroid medicine is normal as well. So, all very good things. 

While we were both excited, she sensed I was probably a little disappointed with the thyroid medicine results because I am still not feeling the best. And yes, I am a little bummed out. But I told her I need to keep reminding myself that I am only 3 months post-surgery and 2 months out from radiation and it is still fighting inside me. She agreed. Both of those things have caused my body to be totally thrown out of whack, which is going to require patience on my part. I would love a quick fix and be back to "normal" but in reality that is not possible. Time is the only thing that will straighten all of this out. 

All of this means that I am in the clear until July!! I have 3 whole months until I have to report back for an ultrasound, possible scans, blood work, and check-ups with all of the doctors. That will be the big 6 month check. Thank goodness because every weekend from now until the end of May has at least one thing marked down in my planner. 

But while all of that was a relief, it wouldn't make sense for my day to end with good news. I called my mom right after I spoke with my doctor and I could sense something was wrong. I told her my news and she was happy, but then proceeded to say that she was sitting in the emergency room with all of her sisters. My grandma had fallen that morning and hit the back of her head. She was waiting to tell me because she knew I probably had enough on my mind. After a few scans, it was determined that she has a slow, internal brain bleed and was transferred to ICU. Vitamin K was being pumped through to aid in clotting and the Coumadin she is on was being flushed out because it thins the blood. As of right now she is still in ICU for observation and is doing well. They have the bleed under control and see no reason to perform surgery. Thank the Lord! My grandma has been through enough. She had 8 children, is a colon cancer survivor of 20+ years, suffered a stroke about 6 years ago on Christmas Eve, broke her hip a year later on New Year's Eve, two summers ago had a subdural hematoma and brain surgery was performed to put in a shunt, months of intense therapy, random TIA's, and now this. After her brain surgery the doctor told her she could not do three things: fall, fall or fall. So each time something happens, our hearts skip a beat because if one little thing goes wrong, that could be it. 

Obviously my grandma is one tough lady. After hearing the news yesterday, my trip home tomorrow for Easter cannot come soon enough. My heart aches so badly for her. The first thing I am going to do is drive straight to the hospital and put a smile on her face.

I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed Easter with loved ones. Saturday night we are celebrating my other grandma and dad's birthdays, and my uncle is coming home to say Easter Sunday mass at our parish, followed by brunch at our house. 

As for every other hour of the day starting today thru Sunday afternoon, I will be camped out by the television watching coverage of The Masters golf tournament. I of course stocked up on cans of Zero Calorie Arnold Palmer's from the store to enjoy. (Google them. Then go buy one. Seriously the best drink ever made!) I would love to see Rory and Tiger head to head in the final round. Also, I officially decided I will be in attendance next year. I don't know how much longer I can take just watching it on TV! Everything about the tournament is perfect: colors, course condition, flowers, music, roars of the crowd, the beauty everywhere of everything, intensity of each stroke, and the celebration of the legends who changed the face of golf. 

Thank you all again for the prayers and support! They have definitely been working.  

Mom's Day

Every year my sorority hosts a Mom's Day. All of the moms are invited down for a lunch and then some sort of activity. This year, an old theater in town was rented out for us and we watched the classic movie Now & Then. It's tradition for the seniors to put together a little speech and gift for their moms and then present it in front of everyone. I thought I would share my note with all of you as well. While I may be the star of this recent crazy adventure, my mom has definitely been the producer behind the scenes. Without her, my performance would not be possible. So here's to you, mom:

A love letter to my beautiful mother:

Plain and simple, you are the most giving and forgiving person I have ever met. From the moment I was born, you began to make sacrifices. Majority of the details I will never come to know, but that is not what is important. What is, is the knowledge that you gave your all to make things work.

From what I can remember and the numerous pictures in albums, my toddler years were full of long walks, hours upon hours on the swing set, arts and crafts, trips to children’s museums, and always the best birthday parties. Whenever I wanted to play, you dropped what you were doing and joined.

Then it was time to send me off to Kindergarten. Which also meant for the next 13 years, until the day I graduated from high school, you would make time in your morning rush to pack me a lunch because I was too picky to eat anything at the schools. And of course, I didn’t like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, or any type of sandwich for that matter (except the occasional cheese and butter). I remember you saying it was always a struggle for you to find enough things to fill my lunch bag. But you never failed. Each day I couldn’t wait to see what you had packed. And the cute notes you would surprise me with every once in awhile were the perfect touch.

The family move to South Dakota during middle school took a toll on each one of us in the family. You gave me that pretty birthstone ring for my 13^th birthday just a few weeks before the move. Instead of being grateful, I screamed and yelled how much I hated it, and I’m pretty sure I threw it at you. Yet, you understood it was nothing personal and forgave me. You stayed strong through it all. Numerous times you went out of your comfort zone to be sure that Kyle and I were involved in various activities and meeting new people. When I was homesick for Nebraska, you would hop in the car, without hesitation, and make the 5-hour trek back or meet grandma and grandpa halfway. Your positive attitude never faltered.

High school was full of new experiences and you were there every step of the way. I could always count on you to be at every important event. Even if it was just that my class was in charge of mass at school that week, you would go in late to work just to be there. When things were stressful because I packed way too much into my schedule, and I took my frustration out on some small thing you did, you forgave me. One of your famous lines is, “Take things one day, one hour, or even on minute at a time.” It is something you still continually remind me of, and it is always exactly what I need to hear. Those years were also full of allowing yourself to trust me while I went out and explored new things. And even though I told you constantly to “just trust me,” I see now looking back that you did more than I probably deserved. I say that not because I was making bad choices, but because now that I am older and Kyle is going through all of that, I am definitely the over-protective sister and have a small scale sense of the uneasiness you must have felt oh so many times as I walked out the door.

The day I moved into the dorms for the first time feels like yesterday. I could go on for days about the moments you have given me so much in the past four years. For example my laundry comes with me every time I’m home, and somehow it always ends up clean, folded, and ready to go when I leave to head back to school. Included is always a goodie bag of munchies to get me through the week. When I called crying because a physics or organic chemistry exam had just completely dominated me, you assured me everything would still work out. And it always did.

But more importantly than anything I have ever dealt with in the past 22 years of my life, is what I am going through right now. When I called each day last semester and you asked how I felt, I began to sound like a broken record. It was the motherly instinct in you that knew something was wrong. You were the one who demanded an ultrasound because your little girl just wasn’t quite right. Sure enough, your persistence was something that quite possibly could have saved my life.

They say cancer changes you. And it does. But more than anything, I have seen it change the lives of people around me. Especially, you mom. The hours and hours we have spent in waiting rooms, the time you have taken off from work to be by my side, spending your weekends preparing iodine-free food for me to take back to school, patience when my hormones have gotten the best of me on several occasions, telling me it’s okay to cry and not know why, and letting me invade your closet because the clothes in mine don’t fit (thank goodness you have great style). But what I want to thank you most for, is passing down your constant strength and unfailing faith in God.

People ask me how I am so optimistic and accepting of all that is happening to me. The answer is that I have grown up with the best angel of grace and somehow got lucky enough to call her “mom”.

We have no idea how this will all end up. But you and I both know that everything will work out. Because as you always say, we must “Let go and let God.”

Finally, I want you to know how much your support and encouragement of my big move to California means to me. Being 2,000 miles away will totally stink. Especially when we have been inseparable the past few months. But we will still continue to talk everyday and I can promise you, the trips out to see me will be so unbelievable it will make up for the times we are apart. However, I have a lot to learn this summer before I leave. Number one being how to do laundry correctly!

I love you to the moon and back. Never forget that. Always and forever my mommy you’ll be.

xoxo,

your Keri Ellen

After I read her the letter, I presented her with a book titled, "Mom's Make the Best Friends". It is full of little reasons why a mother is also a best friend. Our personal favorite was the page stating: She buys a giant bag of popcorn at the movies...whether or not we have just eaten a meal. It fits us perfectly. I then gave her a card. It was her invitation to spend an entire day with me down at the College World Series this June. I also noted that sun tans, lots of laughs, fun tailgates, and cute baseball boys were included.

After the movie this afternoon, we ran a couple errands, shared a little dinner, and picked beautiful lilacs on campus for her to take home. The smell is her all time favorite. It was our last, official Gamma Phi Beta Mom's Day, but I reassured her that there would be many more mother/daughter days to come. Especially when she flies out to visit me in California.

If you haven't told your mom how much she means to you lately, you should. My mom and I's time together today definitely warmed our hearts and filled them with love. She is the best. So again, thanks mom. I love you.