Inconclusive

inconclusive |ˌinkənˈklo͞osiv, ˌiNG-| adjective;not leading to a firm conclusion; not ending doubt or dispute: the medical evidence is inconclusive.synonyms: indecisive, proving nothing; indefinite, proving nothing, indeterminate, unresolved, unproved, unsettled, still open to question/doubt, debatable, unconfirmed; moot; vague, ambiguous; informal: up in the air, left hanging. 
That definition came directly from the dictionary on my laptop. And basically sums up my day.

I am going to warn you this post might be short and generic. I'm exhausted. My mom and I just got home about 20 minutes ago and I can't wait to crawl into my bed.

But here is the update:

The CAT scan showed uptake in the thymus region again. There were also a couple spots on my lungs. The doctor informed me that if all of us had a scan, we would probably have a spot show up on our lungs just due to the air we breathe, having a fungus travel around in it. So we are not sure what the spots are caused by. Both areas did not have any tumor markers show up. That is a good sign. Basically the results mean one of two things:  1. The areas are taking up the radiation randomly and nothing is wrong, or 2. The cancer has spread to one or both areas and the tumor markers are not showing up because the radiation is already attacking the cancer, masking the markers from appearing on the scan. My doctor said she really wished she could have reported that everything was negative and I was good to go. But that was not the case. To determine for sure what is going on, we have to wait for my lab results to come back next Wednesday. If my thyroglobulin is elevated, then it's a very reliable sign that the cancer is present elsewhere and another, more specific, scan will be ordered to take an even closer look. If the results are normal, then the next step is to wait until my appointment in July for an ultrasound and repeat of my labs to determine if the cancer has stayed away/suppressed. That will be the 6 month mark, which is the big milestone for the type of cancer I have.

So as you can see, inconclusive results have struck again. From Day 1 that has been the trend. My original ultrasound was vague, so I needed a biopsy. Those results were "iffy" and I was told I could wait a year for a re-check or be aggressive. Obviously I took the aggressive route and am grateful everyday for that decision. Before surgery they were very certain I did not have cancer. Clearly that quickly changed. Then it appeared my margins were free. Nope. It had started to break through the gland so radiation was ordered. And now here we are. While today's news was not bad, it really was not anything I didn't already know. So, I am waiting. I have no fear either way of the results to come on Wednesday. I just want a definitive answer. Something black and white.

If there was anything I took from today it was that I am blessed. When I check into multiple cancer center areas at hospitals, I am surrounded by people fighting a battle tougher than my own. We caught this early. There is a very successful treatment option available. And I am going to live. So while there are many things I am frustrated and upset about, if I sit back and look at the broad scope of what is going on, it gives me strength. This is a small part of my life. I am anxious for the day I can look back and celebrate that I came out on top.

After everything was over, my mom and I were able to spend time with my little cousins. We played outside in the beautiful weather, spent time on the swing-set (which is one of my all-time favorite things to do), and went to dinner. They are so precious and never cease to put a smile on my face. Each one already has plans to take a trip out to California to spend time with "my favorite cousin, KK!" It was the perfect way to end a monotonous day.

Have a wonderful weekend and be sure to enjoy the gorgeous weather!

xoxo