Goodness it is good to write again. Since June, aka my last post, things have been a tad...crazy--in an absolutely stressful and wonderful way! If that makes any sense at all. From finishing school, preparing for and taking boards--all while packing to move to the very edge of the East coast--squeezing in any available time with loved ones, visits with all my doctors, a two day adventure across the country with my momma, one quick weekend to get adjusted before beginning my career, and then cramming as much dermatology into my brain as humanly possible to prep for now, when I have patients scheduling appointments to see me. I am finally at "now."
As I reflect back on the past 3 months, I can't help but feel a little lost. Where did all that time go? How in the world is my birthday in one week, which has always signaled the start of the holiday season? What all have I missed or forgotten to do? What I do know is that somehow I made it to the now, and it feels so dang good to take one long deep breath and simply enjoy the calming of the waves. Which speaking of waves, have I mentioned how unbelievable it is to live at the beach? To be honest, I am not entirely sure I could have made it to now without the help of ocean salts in my nose, the sand between my toes, and the calming effect of crashing waves. Free therapy at its finest. Visitors are always welcome ;)
With the "now" comes so much gratitude. My career in dermatology could not be off to a better start. I love every minute of my clinic days--yes, even the frustration that accompanies any medical field. I cannot tell you how many times I answer the question, "What in the world brought you all the way from Nebraska?!" And I smile. Because the simple answer is "the beach and this job opportunity." Which is true. But deep down it was the burning need to get away. To explore a new area. To admittedly, be selfish. And not selfish in a negative way, but in such a way that it was time to take care of myself a bit. To just breathe and enjoy the now.
But the past few days, I have really struggled. I am continually reminded at how undeservedly blessed I am. For example, a few thoughts that wage battle in my mind: How is it that I am able to decide if red or white wine will be best with our Thanksgiving meal? Not the thought of if I'll even have food on the table. Or here I am leisurely sitting at a vineyard, listening to live music while sipping wine, with no fear of danger, while others are fleeing for their lives. What makes me so special to have such a supportive, God-loving, handsome man by my side? Instead of a terror that takes advantage of my gender. How did I end up with my dream job? Why did I have such a remarkable childhood, with loving family that I miss daily? And to be completely honest, it's simply not fair.
What I cannot seem to accept is why God gave me this life. I had absolutely zero control of who my mother and father were, the morals they would instill, the home to keep me warm. No control over the fact that I was born in a society where education is so readily available, allowing me to achieve my dreams. No control over my home country being one in which constant danger (in most cases) is not the norm. Where I am allowed to praise the One above all else without fear of death. And now, living in a town on the beach with new friends that quickly became family. Why was I given this life full of constant blessing? Because absolutely no one deserves to live in persecution, fear, horror, hardship, and pain. Yet, it is all over. Stories, daily, highlight the turmoil of this Earth. And I think that is where I have to give it all to Him. All the praise for this life I live. All the heartache I feel when I see what others must endure, yet initially had no control over when they entered this world. All the gratitude for what I have been given. And all the fears that may be.
Now not to be mistaken, I too have things I could complain about. But how awful of me to think that my problems are in any way worth feeling sorry for myself. Not going to happen. Instead, I insist on finding the good. Rejoicing in the beauty that surrounds me daily. And knowing that He gave it all.
May you each have a relaxing and joyous Thanksgiving, surrounded by the ones you love most. I pray you each feel as blessed as I do this holiday season.
All my love.
xoxo
